“My mouth shall tell of Your righteousness And of Your salvation all day long; For I do not know the sum of them. I will come with the mighty deeds of the Lord God; I will make mention of Your righteousness, Yours alone.
Psalms 71:15 NASB1995
Those of you who read the short version of this on Instagram, maybe just scan to the last paragraph if you want. This expanded version of an important work God did in my life needed more than just a social media post.
Biblically, I must hold two truths in my mind simultaneously. Gods goodness and wrath. When I remember how God warned us what was to come (remember my Instagram post on July 15th just a few days before I went into the hospital?), and how he sustained us through the whole ordeal, there is immense joy to be had that ours is the mighty God who declares the end from the beginning. So many ways that He led us faithfully that I didn’t even have time to tell you! I fear sounding woowooweewa hyper-charismatic to the frozen chosen, but the truth is the truth. I am no hyper-charismatic. The Holy Spirit led us in amazing ways. From that first day that God said to brace ourselves, to how in prayer, the middle name Eliana came to us meaning, “My God has answered,”
Shortly after the post asking you all to pray because I knew in my spirit, something dreadful was about to happen, I “just so happened” to have been discussing with Drew about the cattle auction Dad used to take me to twenty and even thirty years ago, and how it had a great diner attached. I could no longer remember where it was located. Dad had taken me there to cheer me up after Drew and I broke up the first time twenty years ago and had purchased farm animals for me there probably thirty years ago.
I had gotten kicked off of midwifery care and we were scrambling- no doc wanted to take a high risk patient in her 8th month. I prayed for encouragement and we went out to lunch. I had my nose in my phone while Drew drove. I looked up just as he was pulling in to a place he had been passing and wanting to try for some time, “It’s the auction!” I said in amazement and I immediately felt the same encouragement I felt when my dad had died and Drew pulled into the first place to park so I could get out and cry and the rose garden was opened for the first time since pre- you know what. Drew had NOT preplanned this. He had never been here before and had no idea that it was the place I’d been talking about!
I ate lunch at the diner/auction my family had frequented decades before and was in awe. If you’re ever in the Treasure Valley, Idaho and want to visit a piece of history- check out the Cattlemen’s Cafe!
Two days later we had the anatomy scan from hell where actual demon possessed staff at St. Lukes told us to end the pregnancy and not to try and save her if she had what they think they had. We knew they were lying because we knew someone who had a child with that condition. Now we know tons of children with that condition. The initial doctors flat out lied by saying she was beyond saving. You know how the rest of the story went. She was denied medical care that could have saved her life.
She died on my dad’s birthday. So the dung storm began with a reminder of my dad, and it ended with a reminder of my dad. God bookended the tragedy with fatherly encouragement. Reminders of his sovereignty.
We have joy knowing that God is in charge. He walked us through this and showed himself in ways that in our weakness we needed. He doesn’t do that all the time. When you’re strong, you don’t need signs and wonders. He wrote this whole story and for that we can be at peace!! But you know what? That’s not all. He will employ His great wrath on the unrepentant, and as Glory’s mother, this also gives me great joy! In our faith, we sometimes struggle with understanding why a loving God would send people to hell. Well if you lose a child unjustly you will finally get it! Because he loves his children and for anyone who hurts them, it would be better if they had never been born. Luke 17:2
“and they cried out with a loud voice, saying, “How long, O Lord, holy and true, will You refrain from judging and avenging our blood on those who dwell on the earth?””
Revelation 6:10 NASB1995
When we shy away from this truth and any truth, we push people away from the gospel. Those created in the image of Christ, can have the common grace of a natural sense of justice and grace hard wired into them. Some may have more of a proclivity to one or the other. When we try to skip the parts of the Bible that show God’s mighty justice, we look like a joke to those image beaters who have more of a bent toward justice. Especially those who have been victims to injustice. They will not see Christ as a place of refuge if we misrepresent his character by painting him a pansy. The opposite is also true if we paint him as a hard master who expects us to save ourselves with our perfect righteousness which we all know doesn’t exist if we are honest.
Nikki Schumacher 